I Keep Dwelling About the Same Thing Over and Over Again
Do you ever find yourself endlessly mentally replaying situations in which you wish you lot'd performed differently? Overthinking in this style is called rumination, and it's closely linked to feet and depression. The adept news is that there are effective solutions for breaking yourself out of this rut, and they're simpler than you might call back. First, identify your common triggers. Next, get some psychological distance from your thoughts by labeling them. Distinguish between ruminating and problem-solving; the former rarely leads to the latter. Fourth, train your brain to resist sticky thoughts through distraction and physical activity and meditation. Last, check your thinking for common cerebral errors.
Do you lot ever notice yourself endlessly mentally replaying situations in which you wish you'd performed differently? You lot wish y'all hadn't said that dumb thing. Y'all wish you'd volunteered for that projection that's now winning accolades. You wish you lot'd spoken up. You lot wish you hadn't dropped the ball with that potential client.
Overthinking in this way is called rumination. While nosotros worry about what might occur in the future, we ruminate about events that have already happened. A ruminative reaction to an event frequently triggers memories of like situations from the past and an unproductive focus on the gap between the real and ideal self. Prompted by this ane event, you begin to chastise yourself for not being more of something…organized, ambitious, smart, disciplined, or charismatic.
Rumination isn't just unpleasant. It's closely linked to poor trouble-solving, anxiety, and depression. The expert news is that there are effective solutions for breaking yourself out of this heat, and they're simpler than you might think.
Identify your most mutual triggers.You can't quell rumination without noticing that you lot're doing information technology, only people aren't always able to spot information technology in themselves. A keen style to become better at this is to call up about what has triggered you in the past. Your list might look something like:
- Collaborating with people I don't yet trust
- Being around people who seem smarter or more ambitious
- Taking a step up in my career
- Making major money decisions
Notice if the dominant pattern of your rumination is blaming yourself or blaming others. Near heavy ruminators lean towards ane or the other of these.
Become psychological diopinion.Adjacent, you need to put some psychological distance between y'all and the things yous ruminate virtually. For instance, you might experience concerned about how you're perceived past people who have no bear upon on your success, get hung up about very minor amounts of money, or see yourself as an underachiever despite the fact that objectively you're doing very well. One fashion to start to become this distance is by labeling what'due south running through your head as thoughts and feelings, a tactic described in this article on emotional agility. So instead of saying "I'm inadequate," you lot might say, "I'thousand feeling similar I'm inadequate." You can even be more low-cal-hearted near it: "Oh, that'due south just my ruminating mind overheating over again."
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Recognizing the absurdity in some of your reactions can besides help you take them less seriously. Look for any subtle entitlement or cocky-absorption hidden in your ruminations. Do you expect things to always go your way? Do you tend to believe people are scrutinizing y'all when, in reality, they're probably thinking about themselves? Exercise you spend time comparing yourself to business superstars or celebrities? Entitlement and personalizing can indicate that you tend to think the world revolves around you. If applicable, try to see the irony in being both narcissistic and insecure, rather than viewing it equally an indictment on your character. You tin can fifty-fifty try imagining an ultra-neurotic TV grapheme version of yourself. Not every rumination topic is advisable for this strategy simply catch any that are.
Distinguish betwixt ruminating and trouble solving.Occasionally you might have a useful insight while ruminating, but by and large it's avoidance coping. Generally, the more people ruminate, the less effective they are at problem solving. Either they don't call up of solutions or don't pursue them quickly or effectively. For instance, ane study showed that women who were heavy ruminators took over a month longer to seek medical intendance afterward finding a chest lump. To shift from rumination to improvement manner, enquire yourself, "What'south the best selection right now, given the reality of the state of affairs?" Get-go by taking one step, even if it's not the almost perfect or comprehensive thing you could practise. This strategy is particularly relevant for perfectionists. If you're ruminating nearly a mistake y'all've fabricated, prefer a strategy that will lessen the likelihood of it happening again.
Railroad train your brain to become non-stick.As presently as you lot notice you're ruminating, try to distract yourself for a few minutes. Engage in an activity that'due south short and mentally absorbing merely not extraordinarily hard, like spending x minutes filling out an expense report. The activity you pick should be 1 that requires yous to concentrate. In some situations, you lot might be able to just refocus your attending on what you're supposed to be doing. You might think: "How could something so simple assistance with my circuitous, emotional problem?" But this technique tin can be surprisingly effective.
Physical activity, such as jogging or walking, can also calm a listen that's decumbent to rumination. Meditation or yoga can be specially helpful for protecting yourself from glutinous thoughts and learning non to over-appoint with them. These practices enquire you to find when your mind has wandered off to the past or future and bring information technology back to what's happening in the present (often your breathing or other sensations in your torso or surroundings.) This is exactly the skill you need for coping with moments of rumination.
Check your thinking for errors.Sometimes rumination is triggered past cognitive errors. The catch-22 is that you're not likely to exist very good at detecting distorted thinking when you're ruminating, since it clouds thinking. The solution is to develop a good understanding of your typical thinking errors, over time, in calm moments and so that yous're nevertheless able to recognize them when you're feeling heightened emotions. Hither'due south a personal case: I'll oft read a piece of work-related email and zone in on one or two sentences that irritate or upset me and then misinterpret the overall tone of the bulletin as demanding or dismissive. But, because I'chiliad aware of this pattern, I've learned to not ruminate over my initial impressions. Instead, I read the email once again afterward a day's cool downwards, and normally see that I had a biased impression of it.
Other common cognitive errors include setting too-high cocky-expectations, misinterpreting others' expectations of y'all, underestimating the extent to which other smart people struggle with what's troubling you, and making mountains out of molehills. If you're ruminating about someone else'due south behavior and attributing a cause to that behavior, at least entertain the thought that your explanation is wrong and attempt to accept that you might never know the truth. Recognizing that we ofttimes won't empathize the reasons for someone else's behavior is a hugely important skill in reducing rumination.
Rumination is a widespread problem. Before you lot tin break out of it, y'all demand to become more than aware of when yous're doing it and have resistance strategies prepare to get. This takes time and endeavour. But information technology'due south important — for your mental health and productivity — to endeavor to nip it in the bud. So, before you go deep into your side by side "would have, should have, could have" spiral, give one or more of these ideas a go.
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Source: https://hbr.org/2019/02/how-to-stop-obsessing-over-your-mistakes
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